This week, we’re replaying our conversation with Howard J. Davis, which first aired on May 15, 2024.
Read a NEW reflection from Christabel about this episode:
When I first talked to Howard J. Davis, aka HAUI, in May, I reflected on how, as a child, I felt compelled to fight against media portrayals of my community in the UK and found the courage to chase my dreams from American TV shows.
Three months after my conversation with HAUI, I have new reflections. At the time of my writing, Britain experienced riots that broke cities and communities. The racist riots were sparked by the brutal murder of children in an English town. The exploitation of this tragedy by Britain’s far-right has brought to the surface deep-seated racial tensions that many Britons told themselves didn’t exist.
I say many Britons, but the reality is the racist violence - and the anemic media coverage of it - yanked Black and Brown Brits like me back to terrifying childhood memories that we had pushed down so far that we had almost forgotten them. Mine include ducking and running as kids my age threw stones at me as I walked to my dance class. Each missile was punctuated with a verbal note to ‘go back to where I came from.’ I’d tell them I was born in Scotland.
This July, I spent much time listening to too many people lamenting the violence and expressing confusion. ‘This isn’t Britain!’ They’d tell us. Desperate to manage the tensions, leaders stumbled to find the appropriate descriptors. Prime Minister Kier Starmer called the violence ‘disorder’ and ‘thuggery,’ and the media called the riots ‘anti-immigration rallies.’ I found myself gulping down hot fury at their failure to call the riots what they were.
Yet, we all failed to ask critical questions: How did we get here in the first place?
And who is looking after the families who have lost their children?
My silent seething was a familiar feeling. It was the same one I got whenever a white adult (and later a peer) told me to ignore someone who had slapped me with a racial slur because ‘they were stupid’ or ‘just drunk.’
Despite this mess, the July riots forced me to confront my complicated feelings toward the UK.
Once upon a time, I thought the only way to get over my hurt and anger – and to find peace – was to find communities that accepted me. As I loved to travel, I sought them out in the Caribbean and eventually the United States.
My family and some friends understood my move. Many people didn’t. And on this side of the Atlantic, some Americans asked me why I’d choose to move to a country that is actively hostile toward Black people. My answer? I figured it was better to live in a country where people could tell you they hated you to your face. That way, you knew where you stood. Knowing where to avoid also meant you could find places where you were safe. Those places where people had the language to fight hate loudly.
And then a funny thing happened. Years after I found the ability to identify and use the language of anti-racism, I started to understand my relationship with Britain a little better. I began to understand what she meant to me. Like Ghana, Britain shaped me. But in Britain, I laugh louder and cry harder. People appreciate my shorthand.
UGH.
It’s always the people and places that you love the deepest that hurt you the most. So today, I think I’m learning to embrace - not tolerate - my uneasy relationship with Britain again.
Take another listen to the conversation that inspired this reflection. Then, share your thoughts on the @audiodiaspora IG page.
This captivating episode of AudioDiaspora takes you on a journey to Canada and introduces you to Howard J. Davis, also known as HAUI, a mixed-media artist and director.
Based in Canada, HAUI's work delves deep into the intersections of race, queerness, myth, and identity. His film ‘Private Flowers’ is set against the backdrop of that nation’s Civil War and explores themes of masculinity and queerness through the medium of dance, offering viewers a unique perspective on queer storytelling.
Join us as we explore HAUI's experiences growing up as a mixed-race person in Britain and the US, his transition from acting to mixed media, and the inspiration behind ‘Private Flowers’ and its reception.
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Connect with Howard J. Davis
Instagram: @woweehaui
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